Wednesday, March 2, 2011

How to Translate CrossFitese, a Short Tutorial

If you walk into a CrossFit gym for the first time and are completely confused about what the heck is going on, have no fear. You are not alone. Weird acronyms and unusual phrases are all around you and before you know it, you are wondering why in the world you are there and devising a plan to sneak out before anyone sees you. TOO LATE! The perky trainer spotted you and is now talking to you in CrossFitese.

This is me at my other job. Cardio Salsa just screams Alison, doesn't it?

Please review the following phrases to make you entrance into the world of CrossFit more comfortable:

1. "Today's WOD is..." means "Here is our workout of the day. Pay attention so the trainer doesn't want to beat you with her whoopin' stick."

2. "It's an AMRAP WOD today!" mean "The workout is made up of as many rounds of possible as you can do in a certain amount of time. Don't you dare stop until time is called."

3. "Let's warm up with some TGUs!" means "We're doing Turkish getups. Yes, I'll show you how to do them. Get a kettlebell and lay down!"

4. "OHSs!!!!!" means "I know everyone else at the gym hates them but overhead squats are my favorite thing in the world so shut your yammer and grab a stick to practice!"

5. "We've got some SDLHPs today." means "Sumo Deadlift High Pulls are on tap for today. They are called 'Sumo' for a reason, get those feet apart!"

Once you become comfortable with these phrases, you will soon hear everything in CrossFitese. It is inevitable. You may even buy yourself some Chuck Taylors or a WODKilla T-Shirt. Eventually, you may have to go to a chiropractor for your achin' back. Eventually that chiropractor may say "Alright! I want you to go all out on your workouts!" You may or may not hear "You're good to go! Do what you want!" You WILL go all out on the next workout and you WILL wake up in the fetal position the next morning with back spasms. When you question the chiropractor, he will say "I mean go all out within reason. Don't hurt yourself."

Stupid CrossFitese, messing up my translations.

Anyway, now that I got all of that straightened out and clarified, I am continuing to modify the WODs (QUICK! What does that mean? Check the list!) so as not to injure myself bad. Here is how it has been working out:

Tuesday, March 1

Back Squats and Shoulder Press

Row 2k

I only went up to 95lbs on the Squats. They were alright. I managed to do 2 of my working sets at 80lbs for the Shoulder Press. I did 3 reps at 80 of my last 5 but then had to Push Press the last 2. Getting better!

Monday, February 28

For Time:

10 Thrusters (40/25)
20 Ring Dips
30 Box Jumps
40 Pull Ups
50 Sit Ups
60 Burpees
50 Sit Ups
40 Pull Ups
30 Box Jumps
20 Ring Dips
10 Thrusters

I Used 25lb dumbbells for the Thrusters, did Ring Dips with Lil' Red, tried to do 24" Box Jumps but had to go back to Step Ups, and used Ol' Blue for the Pull Ups. Burpees make my back feel better. Yikes! I finished in 26:45. Not too shabby for being broken I think. 

I am going to get better! I AM!!! And this trainer is totally going to help me:

She has built in leg warmers. Fantastic!

No comments:

Post a Comment