Thursday, July 19, 2012

Hello, My Name is Mustache Montoya...

I love sleeping. I am not good at sleeping through the night, but I can nap like a champ. I don't like being disturbed from my slumber. If there was a napping event at the Olympics, I would win the gold every time. Unless my dad was also competing, then I would take silver.

DTM can tell you that I do not like being woken up early. He will let you know that just because he can wake up the instant his feet touch the floor, I cannot. I wake up slowly and need a little time before I can really hold a conversation.

I know what you are thinking. Why are you telling us this? What does this have to do with CrossFit? What is going on?

I'll tell you what is going on. This morning, DTM found a way to get me out of bed and awake more quickly than ever. Here is how it went down:

DTM: turns on the light at 5:45am.
Me: "Zzzzzzzzz....grumble, grumble....::insert whiny voice:: DTM! Whhhhhyyy is the light ON?" 
DTM: "Hold on."
Me: ::now sleepy snarling:: "What is....happening?"
DTM: "There is a mustache bug in here and I am trying to kill it."
Me: ::jumping out of bed ninja style born from my CrossFit training while simultaneously putting on my glasses and grabbing my machete:: "WHAT? WHERE? IN OUR BED? OH MY GOSH!!!!!"
DTM: "It was right here."
Me: ::swinging the machete:: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WAS'?!!?!"
DTM: "It got away."

2 things:

1) Yes, I own a machete. You can never be too prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.
2) Other than spiders, my worst bug fear is mustache bugs.

What are those? They are really called house centipedes. I was going to post an image but I just couldn't look at the google search results. If you want to see what they look like go here. I have goose bumps. Ick.

Thank goodness my speed and agility got me out of the mustache bug situation. I have no one to thank but CrossFit. And DTM for trying to dispose of the wretched creature without alarming me. I am pretty sure the conversation between the MB and DTM would have gone like this:

MB, decked out with a machine gun and his own machete: "Hello, my name is Mustache Montoya. You killed my father and several other members of my family. Prepare to die."
DTM: "Right." Smashes MB with some toilet paper.

The MB's weapons are powerless against DTM's strength. Duh.

The real Inigo would not be bested by anyone but the Man in Black. 

As for my strength, I have not gotten to lift recently, which is sad. But, I did find out in the past couple of weeks that I can power clean 145#, thruster #135, and push press #135. So you know, cool.

Ick, I still have goose bumps. And the shivers. I hate bugs.